Chick Pick

By Kerry Roche

How many race magazines have you finally got your sweaty gloved paws on and eagerly flicked through to the month's "Female Feature" only to find Sinasalo sashed girls decorating an article on this seasons best safety buys, or some daggy thing telling you how best to help your boyfriend prepare for his next race. Aah Yes, I see you nodding sagely with recognition (and do I detect resignation?). Well suffer no more. 

Hang on to your helmet Racerchick cause Chick Pick finally has it - the real dirt on getting a new guy in gear for the next race. We're going to start slowly and with the blindingly obvious but bear with it, remember we're trying to train blokes here. 

The first thing you have to do is make sure you simplify things from the very outset by explaining clearly and firmly that it is your race day. Unless you've already done your homework and modified your very own Mr Racerchick from the substandard factory model this step is going to be the most difficult of your entire mission. It is very important that you introduce the concept as carefully and gradually as possible. He will react with shock and fear when he learns that Race Day does not indicate Cable Motorsport, a fridge full of beer and fifteen of his best mates. 

The degree of physical suffering your speciman suffers at this stage should guide your progress. The most common signs of Speciman Psychosis are incredulity (ranging from an inane grin to hysterical laughter) and denial. Stupidity and aggression are rarer and are thought more likely to manifest if he learns that the term Race Day does not signify watching the local petrolheads confuse ambition and talent at the local quarter mile within 24 hours of the first lesson. If your chosen speciman breaks out in a cold sweat or his eyes become glazed, call his best mate and leave as soon as you can. He will require intensive male bonding therapy before training can continue (if it can be resumed at all). Oh he'll be all right eventually - you've just shattered the very foundation of his existence as a Superior Male Being. It had to happen. 

Now, the rebuild. Remember, the evolution from 'yobbo' (lout, hooligan - Oxford dictionary) or 'bloke' (man, fellow - Oxford) to Mr Racerchick is a demanding and often lonely task, but the road to true enlightenment has always been fraught with hardship and peril. Once he has absorbed the idea that Race Day (and the whole damn season) is all about you, your new man will have attained the status of Racerchick's Boy and all should be smooth sailing through the Commandments to a fully qualified Mr Racerchick. If your speciman is worthy, his evolution should progress surprisingly rapidly and you should soon be wondering smugly what all the fuss is about.

(c) K.A. Roche. All Rights Reserved.

Kerry Roche, a super racerchick from Down Under and  our new Australian correspondent.  A self confessed car enthusiast with a passion for speed - we welcome her insight & knowledge and look forward to hearing her adventures in racing.