Trackside Fashion

Mid-July in Toronto meant the Molson Indy was back in town. And that meant stocking up on sunscreen, bottles of sparkling H20, and of course, race-related apparel. So what that you can't make the cut as a valued member of Team Kool Green? Thanks to an abundance of Indy- and car-related haberdashery, at least you can always look the role. But alas, a day at the track is no different from real life - there are those who know how to dress * and there are those who guilty of crimes against fashion. Here are a few examples of the good, the bad and they ugly, spotted at the 2001 Molson Indy. 

Sarnia Corvette Club - Annual Meet 1986

After the initial horror wore off upon realizing this shirt was more than 15 years old, I found it amusing that a middle-aged man would adorn himself with an almost sheer (thanks to 1,000 washings) T-shirt that probably didn't even fit him when he bought it brand new 15 years ago. It was almost entertaining to watch the fibres of his shirt strain to keep his Canadian belly firmly entombed ("Canadian" as in the Molson-brewed product, not country of origin.) No great surprise that I constantly stumbled upon the Sarnian (hair by Chia Pet; body by Tim Hortons) in the Molson beer tent throughout the race. At least the title sponsor was happy that a few extra cases of suds would be sold on this day. Was the Sarnian thirsty or was he simply drowning his sorrows given that hockey season ended a few weeks ago - and is still a few weeks away from resuming once more? Who knows? Who cares?

Monaco Grand Prix

Bif & Buffy might not have been their real names - but they looked exactly how you'd imagine a couple named Bif & Buffy to look. In any event, this couple wore their well pressed, right-out-of-the-package, matching polo shirts for this event. One could almost smell the cellophane wrapping from their shimmering tops. Oblivious to the fact that this race was NOT a Formula One event, they proudly strutted down the paddock as if strolling through Via Veneto in Rome. With designer sunglasses glued to their faces, it was evident that their destination was any hospitality tent within 20 paces. Once ensconced in such a venue, they could be part of the action - provided they weren't expected to get grease or brake dust on their brand new F1 apparel. Their track fashions were reminiscent of matching his-and-her bowling uniforms, a surefire recipe for unintentional humour if ever there was one. Alas, somehow I can't imagine that was the intended effect these race-inspired twins were hoping to achieve.

Players Team Jersey

Given that merchandising is so fiscally important for race teams in, one finds more licensed racing apparel on the market these days than ever before. If you're a fan of any particular team, by all means wear the officially licensed togs. But to go as far as obtaining an authentic jersey - well, that just makes things confusing for the rest of us. Are you Joe Super Fan - or are you an actual bona fide member of the race team? (Of course, there is little confusion if you share the same characteristics of a certain Corvette Club member from Sarnia.) Indeed, keep in mind that looking like an actual crewmember from an apparel point of view will not snag you a hot date unless you also happen to physically resemble Alex Tagliani. Still, the authentic racewear will generate such queries as: "How did you guys do today?" Or, "When is Carpentier coming out?" And your high-priced jersey won 't guarantee that you will be thrown a wrench and invited to get under the car to assist with some last minute tinkering. Thus, to eliminate confusion and avoid disappointment, let's stick with the logo shirt and save the team apparel for actual members of the team, shall we? 

Racerchicks.com

As for yours truly, since I did not want to be mistaken for a desperate pit biscuit, I left my neon yellow string bikini and stiletto high heels at home. This racerchick is far more into comfort than show-and-tell, so I wore sensible walking shoes and long black pants for the hot pits. As well, my plain polo shirt was neatly tucked in and I had lathered myself with sunscreen given the high UV index on race day (oh, how I pity those topless men who soaked in the sun all day without Coppertone.) Granted, I wasn't someone who stood out from the rank and file - but I wasn't there to be seen in the first place. Rather, I was there to watch an exciting CART race and in that department, the 2001 Molson certainly delivered.